Hello everyone, it has been a while since i wrote. Exactly. 4 months ago. It was not a hiatus. But I'm just lazy to write. There are plenty draft to post, but i put hold to it. Because few weeks ago or maybe months ago, some people i know open this blog. Few understood, but many didn't. They didn't read information on my posts and randomly accuse me of something. Well, I'm fine though. It was my fault to post many thing at once even though i already informed you guys that i migrated from tumblr to blog because i felt like blog would be better for long stories. Forget that. Let's move to the things that happen to me.
Confession, that was the good thing about it so i could keep moving forward. It was last month, my ex-gf found this site, read it, and unlucky to read her nick in my previous post. She asked me few times, until i opened up to her. Well, it was a good feeling like something loose from my burden. Of course, the first thing i said to her after we didn't talk for a long time was her forgiveness. Because i knew how much I hurted her in the past. I don't know how much similar the feeling but i can grasp it. And of course i have experienced that similar situation. So, for few days we did chat many things include the past. I tried to clear things up. So in the future there would be no more uneasiness when we met each other. But, how unlucky i was, when i was quite in bad state and wrote it in my status, she asked about what happened and i rejected it. It turned out that maybe it led to another miscommunication. And that was the list time we talked. I tried to send few words, but she went away again like last time. Left me again without any trace. Well, i kinda regretted it but what's done is done, right?
Relationship, that was another good thing that happened. I talked to this girl that I aimed to be my future wife. I won't claim her mine, but i tried my best to get closer slowly. Because it was my new habit to calculate everything then i moved slowly but with kind of right pace so i won't look like slowing down. I was happy every time i have the chance to talk with her, even it was in front of the mirror of my smart phone. I hope i can get this girl in time and in the end someone will not snatch her. But i will always pray that she can be happy for anyone that might be best fit for her. Even that person turned out to be someone else.
Recently, I've been in this bad state where i felt like alone. I'm far from my God. I used to pray in good manner, good looks, and in more proper way. But i felt so lazy. It haunt me everyday. Why i become like this? Why i can't change myself to be a better man? Why? Why? Why!? I kept thinking that maybe I've been strayed too far from God so i felt uneasiness, angry, bad mood, mellow etc. I need to move forward because today, i finally deleted almost all the memories that I've had bad past with it. the only thing left was few photos, words, logs, and some souvenirs. I will get rid all of it slowly. It is not like i hate it, i just want to clear things up. So people will not think that i still live in the past.
