Adulthood is Trouble (Part 3)

Hello again. It's me. Obviously. Alright, I'm going to address the third issues in my life. From two previous post before, they were the major things that pull my life over. I mean, it was like they came just like the storm, came, wrecked around, and went away. As hectic as that. lol.

Alright, the third topic will be romance. Why i put it last? Because i posted the previous things based on category from the hardest, medium and easiest. The romance will be the easiest because i don't think that i care that much about it. My heart, it is hollow, i think....

In recent years, i met dozens of woman. I really wanted to look around. And from that i got 2 girls. Of course, they were not in any special relationship with me. It was just targets. I told you about both of them in the past. You guys can check this post. It was the latest post (aside from poem) about my life story, before i changed my blog's function to do assignment for college.

Now, there are none left. HAHAHA.... It is not that i don't want to be in relationship at all. Of course i wanted that, i tried it at first. Chit chat. Meetings. And so on. I thought that because i haven't been in any real relationship since 2012, I've become rusted. It is hard for me to express things. Especially to girls. I thought that they must have known my obvious intention from start. So after some time, either i backed down or they became astral. I mean, they were going away too.

I've been single for 5 years if i counted this year. And it is hard to really start a new relationship. Well, girls that I've met, most of them didn't know about what's going in this world. I mean they were stuck on their own world. They haven't experienced how cruel the world is. They enjoyed their time zone. It is good thing. I'm not judging them. It's just they are too naive and that is not the type that I'm looking for. I'm not ready for stupid small drama things. I know, life is full of dramas, but useless dramas that will not improve our life, what's the use of it?

I really just walk on my own pace. Even when my family ask about it, i always answer that,"I'm not yet ready to look for one. I already have too many problems. And if we add our own family's circumstances, i don't even know if she can endure it." Yeah, another reason that i haven't look for girlfriend because of that too. I'm afraid because there are so many problems that going on, i will only make her uncomfortable. I will be just too focused on my own problems and neglect her. I don't want to hurt anybody again. I already experience how hurt it can be.

I really wash away the idea of finding girlfriend. Until few weeks ago. The girl that i always wait for her presence. The girl that i admire so much because of her solid background. Solid in here, because she worked her way up, without any shortcut. A girl who walk from bottom, and rise with time even now. A girl that have big heart. A girl that have special place in me for the longest as far as i can remember. A girl that often visit my dream. A girl that used to influence how should i reached the sky. A girl that i really treat as carefully as i can. A girl that i consider as the wisest as a girl in my generation that i met in almost 24 years of life. It sounds like i exaggerated. But it is not. I replayed many questions that dozens of girls, even 2 best candidates i considered the best in the past, and they all answered naively. Yet she answered it on point without even breaking a sweat and the answers were so reasonable and logically true as i experienced. Conclusion? unrivaled. :)

Maybe, i just haven't met her rival yet. She "whipped" me so hard that i want to finish my college as fast as possible. And work towards my dreams. Burning me with high spirits. I hope this time, i can finally put my expectations and hopes on another human. Eventhough it is impossible. And will end up, i get hurt again. It's totally worth this time. I won't blame anyone but myself on this decision. And i believe, I will not meet any girl with her qualities anytime soon.

Few last paragraph was not planned at all. lol. That's all i could think of. I will write as soon as i can. And i hope, i will already walk together in line with her next time i post new stuffs. lol. Just kidding. Alright, have a great weekend everyone. :)

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To My Dearest Future Wife

Saturday, 31 May 2014

Hello, it has been a while since i wrote about my life. Just posted random quotes from my everyday experience. Well let’s get start from this MAINSTREAM topic. he he…

I just want to apologize. Yes to you, my beloved future wife. I’ve cheated on you numerous times already. i am a bad guy. Well, i did that in the past because of this thing called “loneliness.”

I’ve born in a good and religious family, and yet i betrayed them. I tried anything in my teenage time. from “good” until “bad”. I’ve tasted everything that available. So i knew how it would work. And i guarantee you that i will not get addict to drugs or cigarette. Of course, not even alcohol too. That’s from the bad side of “things”.

Let’s go to the abstract ones. yeah, this thing called “love”. I’ve fallen in love since my junior high school. That was the first time and the last time was about several months ago. I’ve tasted many kind of emotion. Of course good and bad. This “love” thing gave me plenty of experiences in life. From spirit to live or gloom to death. Well, i was in my unstable period.

Now, i feel like it was so funny to see me in the past. So funny. If i could go back, i would like to punch myself to pulp. I felt like i was complete different person in this present age of time. Well, this thing called “love” also the one who guide me to maturity. Not 100%, but it took almost half of the role though.

Ok, i want you to know, this time, i will make sure to not cheat on you anymore. And not to try “something”. Because I’ve done that it in the past. I will control every inch of my emotion. Make sure to protect it. And then one day i will say, “This heart reserved for you only, my dearest.”

Just so you know, I’ve recently tried to work out again. I want to make sure to meet you in my great shape to not let you down. It’s not like i want to be someone else, it’s just i want to be healthy again. I won’t let you see me as a weak person. Because i am strong. Yeah strong enough to learn many things in this life and not to give up so easily.

I want to make you rest assured and feel no worry in my protection. I think this is only for part one. Well, let’s continue it later.

From your future husband. Don’t laugh please. Oh, honestly„, :p

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Random Quotes

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Focus on self-repair. focus on ourselves. never ever try to ask help from another person. do everything on your own. sooner or later, you can stand still in this atrocious world.

Everything will be back to normal. i felt so relax. everything’s moving just like my plan now. if i have done this before, i should have been further in step to success. ganbarimashou!!

Should have been like this. realizing everything, back to my normal self. logic work all the time. fiuh…. back to otaku world. real girl only betray you, sooner or later. but my senjougahara hitagi, she won’t. :p 

Thursday, 7 November 2013

My life keep changing since that time. well it become better at some parts and worse at some parts. but i am happy. i can become closer to se7en wonders and my best parents.

It is not about forgiving. it was about you who realized you’ve made mistakes. then you tried your best to resolve it. after that beg for forgiveness. that is proper way to ask forgiveness. 

Thursday, 21 November 2013

Ketika diperingati berkali-kali tetapi tetap tidak mengerti, maka bersabarlah. Jika kau melihat harapan, tunggulah. Jika tidak, tinggalkan. 

Sunday, 16 February 2014

Dan pada akhirnya kebencian hanya akan berbuah iri dengki. Meracun akal pikiran dan membuat ilusi sebuah perbandingan tak berujung. 

Sunday, 23 February 2014

Sesuatu yang telah rusak, akan sulit dikembalikan seperti sedia kala. Kalau pun bisa, sebagian besar akan telah terkorupsi.

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

One good deed doesn’t mean you are good person, vice versa.

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New Me

Hello everyone, it has been a while since i wrote something in here. I posted many things on my tumblr but not in here. Not because I was shy or whatever you wanted to call it, i just didn't have that much motivation to write in here. Well, now i am powered up again.

So, i have few bad news to write. First, i failed entering AMG, IPDN, and i resigned from KARBOL's end test. Because at that time i have to choose between KARBOL or AMG and IPDN. So i took AMG and IPDN, yet both of them failed me. Hahaha....

Second, i broke up with my girlfriend. We broke up in 2012. Because she cheated on me. lol for so much trust i put on her. Well, I've moved on. So, i will not write too much about it in here. But in the future i will tell some of adventures when i chase her in that cursed city. It was like some kind of drama and so similar to FTV serials. Hahaha....

Third, i moved from my previous college Politeknik Negeri Pontianak (POLNEP) to Universitas Tanjung Pura. At Polnep, i took Civil Engineering. But now, i take Informatics Engineering and in third semester. i should have been in fifth semester but i wasted 1 year in chasing my ex and working. Because at that time, i needed money to keep chasing her and to convince her. Unfortunately, i was blind by thing called LOVE. I still think that i was so stupid at that time.

Well that was the 3 major sad events that has happened in my life since 2011. But now, i am new. So much new that i can tell which one is bad or not. Which one is lie or not. And i keep telling truth to everyone if they ask. Because i am done being nice by lying. It was so stupid to lie. Better tell them the truth and let them process it. That's it.

I will write soon about much more. Many things has happened since 2011. And the recent event when i attended GDG DevFest event and from that moment, I re-thought about my future plan. And i am in process to make new path, new goal and new dream. Wish me luck. :)

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