Hello again. It's me. Obviously. Alright, I'm going to address the third issues in my life. From two previous post before, they were the major things that pull my life over. I mean, it was like they came just like the storm, came, wrecked around, and went away. As hectic as that. lol.
Alright, the third topic will be romance. Why i put it last? Because i posted the previous things based on category from the hardest, medium and easiest. The romance will be the easiest because i don't think that i care that much about it. My heart, it is hollow, i think....
In recent years, i met dozens of woman. I really wanted to look around. And from that i got 2 girls. Of course, they were not in any special relationship with me. It was just targets. I told you about both of them in the past. You guys can check this post. It was the latest post (aside from poem) about my life story, before i changed my blog's function to do assignment for college.
Now, there are none left. HAHAHA.... It is not that i don't want to be in relationship at all. Of course i wanted that, i tried it at first. Chit chat. Meetings. And so on. I thought that because i haven't been in any real relationship since 2012, I've become rusted. It is hard for me to express things. Especially to girls. I thought that they must have known my obvious intention from start. So after some time, either i backed down or they became astral. I mean, they were going away too.
I've been single for 5 years if i counted this year. And it is hard to really start a new relationship. Well, girls that I've met, most of them didn't know about what's going in this world. I mean they were stuck on their own world. They haven't experienced how cruel the world is. They enjoyed their time zone. It is good thing. I'm not judging them. It's just they are too naive and that is not the type that I'm looking for. I'm not ready for stupid small drama things. I know, life is full of dramas, but useless dramas that will not improve our life, what's the use of it?
I really just walk on my own pace. Even when my family ask about it, i always answer that,"I'm not yet ready to look for one. I already have too many problems. And if we add our own family's circumstances, i don't even know if she can endure it." Yeah, another reason that i haven't look for girlfriend because of that too. I'm afraid because there are so many problems that going on, i will only make her uncomfortable. I will be just too focused on my own problems and neglect her. I don't want to hurt anybody again. I already experience how hurt it can be.
I really wash away the idea of finding girlfriend. Until few weeks ago. The girl that i always wait for her presence. The girl that i admire so much because of her solid background. Solid in here, because she worked her way up, without any shortcut. A girl who walk from bottom, and rise with time even now. A girl that have big heart. A girl that have special place in me for the longest as far as i can remember. A girl that often visit my dream. A girl that used to influence how should i reached the sky. A girl that i really treat as carefully as i can. A girl that i consider as the wisest as a girl in my generation that i met in almost 24 years of life. It sounds like i exaggerated. But it is not. I replayed many questions that dozens of girls, even 2 best candidates i considered the best in the past, and they all answered naively. Yet she answered it on point without even breaking a sweat and the answers were so reasonable and logically true as i experienced. Conclusion? unrivaled. :)
Maybe, i just haven't met her rival yet. She "whipped" me so hard that i want to finish my college as fast as possible. And work towards my dreams. Burning me with high spirits. I hope this time, i can finally put my expectations and hopes on another human. Eventhough it is impossible. And will end up, i get hurt again. It's totally worth this time. I won't blame anyone but myself on this decision. And i believe, I will not meet any girl with her qualities anytime soon.
Few last paragraph was not planned at all. lol. That's all i could think of. I will write as soon as i can. And i hope, i will already walk together in line with her next time i post new stuffs. lol. Just kidding. Alright, have a great weekend everyone. :)
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