Ruination?

Hello dear readers, it has been a while. I already wrapped things up. Well, after the new event, i wrote the next post already. But, as my emotions fluactuated much, i decided to postpone the release.

Well let's skip that part. few weeks ago i started a holiday trip with my brothers and sisters. We are 7 with my older sister's husband and their child. So, we can count it as 9 people. I will explain about my adventures with them in 1 or 2 post ahead. I will give reviews about the hotel i visit, the foods and the places.

What's more important then to tell beside my holiday? I don't know how to explain it. The only thing i can tell is, i get cut before even starting. I haven't even give time to really focus on there. Really, it upset me. Not that much, though, I don't know what kind of things that ruin my part. Is it about looks? Is it about money? Is it about attitude? I don't know. And i don't think i will have the real answer. Let's stop it at there about my assumptions. I will not start to ramble about things that i don't investigate. Sad, isn't it? Of course it is. I haven't thought about this even once until three weeks ago. Yet, i have to let it go just like that again. Again? Yes, again.

It was hard to part away with it. I had to make decision as fast as i can. Yet, i wanted it to last as long as possible. Because it would be the last time that we could have long talk together. Regardless, about things that we talked. I believed that, after i made the decision, we would not talk again. Back to being acquaintance. This is the saddest part for me. Because it happened in the past. Acquaintance. Nothing more, nothing less. We used to be so close. It was hard to find someone like you. Even after i looked around for so long. I haven't even encounter one beside you. Someone that really fit with what i wanted. But i have to understand too, that i can't force someone to like me. Not to mention my personality which is like this. A really huge and thick wall that always filter everything before me. That might turned off people before we even began.

Alright, in every chance, i have to acquire lessons to learn. Sincerity, sometimes can't move people, no matter how pure of it. Maybe it will, maybe it will not. Because, we can't see what's inside someone's heart. Some will fail to interpret it and even misinterpret. And sometimes, you will end up like you are lying. Well, it is ok. Maybe even normal. Because i really don't know, maybe common sense is too hard to grasp. As i said in the past, not everyone could handle raw truths. Not to mention young generation, even the old generation suffer from it too. Maybe because it is rare in society nowadays to speak up and have different opinions.

I think that's all for now. As the situation is cooling down. I will try to post the drafts i have. I'm sorry, i can't explain much. I really can't explain because i already said that i would keep it between us. Well, i really don't know what's to keep. Is it about our secret? Yet, i don't know what's secret that we have. Is it about us? I haven't started yet. Is it about our break up? Yet we are not even in any kind of relationship. Really, i don't know. I'm back to suppress this long-lasting feeling. It has been here for years. And maybe it is time to really let it go. Should i low level format my heart then? Or should i show that i am not playing around? Time will tell.