Alright folks, as I said in my previous post, I would like to talk about emotion. I will split the stories into few parts and make sure it is not a long post. If it is too long, it will be boring to read. Of course, I know that by writing this, many people will find it boring already. Because this blog is about me and my journey. Alright enough about that, let's get to it.
This happened way back at 2013, at that time, i was slowly recuperating from broken heart because i lost someone dear to me. I was in denial state. I kept on forcing myself on her. This was my biggest mistake, because i already knew that there was no hope anymore. But i still convinced myself to chase after her. This led me to "books". The surface only though and relationship related thingy. I tried so hard to find some piece of hope to reunite with my love. I couldn't sleep properly. I ate like a madmen. I became depressed. That was why i really couldn't picture what I've done at that time from other people's perspective. For me, i have to find a way to be together again.
It went day by day until i stumbled upon these words. The famous newton 3rd Law. This thing transformed me completely. At that times, i healed myself by going to the beach or just watched anime. From anime, I met the all-time masterpiece, Fullmetal Alchemist. This anime was one of the reason i opened my eyes. To understand the human nature. The most life changing moment was started by this anime. It completely reformed my mind about so many things. Then my mind was craving for knowledge, and then it forced me to keep on reading while distracted me from negative thinking. After that, i spent most of my time by reading whatever i could find to complete that fragile mind and to make sure that i was walking in the correct path by assessing everything with logic. Beside reading, i joined a community for Japanese related thingy in my city to increase my interactions.
After some period of time, the wall finally became solid, my eyes began to see much more. Things that I've been neglecting finally came to me. At that time, regret was the biggest word for me. The first thing i did was to get closer to my family member. I mean dad. mom and my 6 siblings. Interacting more with them. Loving them much more than before. Value them more. I found the true love that could love me back as much as i gave. It felt so incredible and powerful.
Mom gave me the warmest hug i could get. She always understands me. She told me what she have been seeing in recent years. How it made her heart broken to see me in a bad shape. How it made me became unstable. I really hold my best to not cry in front of her. But of course i shed manly tears after realizing every thing that i could remember.
All the things that happened. I spent almost a full month to remember every single thing that happened to me. I went around to many people's house to settle things. Asking their forgiveness if i hurt them in the past. Every single thing that i could do to redeem myself. To turn over a new leaf. I forced myself to do it. If they forgave me then it was good. But if not, at least I've tried asking about it to them than let it became unspeakable matter.
From that, my life became more balanced. Many bad things happened, but so do good things. As i learnt more about life. From action equal to reaction then to Yin Yang, Karma, and the Law of causality. The wall became rock solid resulting in trust issues and another thing was calm mode. It gave me benefits and drawbacks at the same time. I will explain these in the next post.
OK, the story will continue in part 2. I will update it as soon as it's ready. Stay tune. And thanks for coming. I hope you guys have a bright and happy day. :)