August's Posts

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Our Journey Met Its End

This month really marked many vital aspect in my life.
New university, new jobs, and the most important thing, new heart.
Well, after this long time period, i could get over with it.
Yeah, i knew that i was so stubborn. but i could make it in the end.
So that’s okay right? right now, i am trying my best.

I should make up everything that I’ve done couple years ago.

I beg for your forgiveness to anyone who read it.

Saturday, 17 August 2013

Rumble Rumble Rumble

So the years i spent with her was lost.
Though nothing was resolved. though nothing changed.
That’s right. let’s keep it like that. that is the best happiness.
But these years that you’ve probably forgotten.

I think i will remember it for a long time and never forget.
Regardless what kind of future welcomes me.
This feeling born inside me will never change. as it will not be forgotten.
So andevelez’s something that wasn’t first love ended with lost love.

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Atarashii Kokoro

Monday, 29 July 2013

Hello…. it has been a long time since i wrote something.
Well, i don’t know if it is a good news or bad news.
But finally i can move on after betrayed so much by my ex.
It was bound to happen sooner or later.

I want to ask for anyone forgiveness whoever i hurt. tee hee~
Well i was aware of it and finally i could make this decision.

I will do some self repair before i can move to another heart.
So i won’t hurt the girl i choose later. i am feeling good.
Not that good, getting cold. getting nightmare. i thought it as a test.
God want to ensure me, make myself really get over with it.
By the way, i want to warn all of you about something.
It is not something, it is a city. a cursed city that stole many things.
My sister, my best friends, my ex-girlfriend and many more.
They were turned into “BAKEMONO” after living in that cursed city.

Another quote from that time:

Diawali pada ramadhan 3 tahun lalu.
Dan benar-benar berakhir pada ramadhan yang ke-3.

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Hateful Act

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Aku akan segera kehilangan beberapa orang yang aku sayangi. orang-orang yang benar-benar peduli padaku hanya karena dirimu. fantastis. tak terbayang mereka yang melahirkan kamu tapi sifat dan perilaku yang kamu tunjukkan jauh dari mereka.  

Membuka semua rahasia yang tersimpan. baik maupun buruk. karena jujur itu menyakitkan. lebih baik hati sakit sampai hancur menjadi debu daripada dibiarkan terus berdarah.

Mungkin sudah saatnya membuka semua hal itu. lebih baik dibenci daripada terus seperti ini. sakit yang begitu dalam ketika kesetiaan dikhianati. 

Kirain sudah berhenti. tapi ternyata makin menjadi. memang seseorang yang terlalu dimanja ketika diberi sedikit kebebasan tak akan bisa dikontrol. 

PS.

This was the time when i began to hate her for whatever she did. 

I stalked her that much at that time, well i still knew the limit. 

And i asked some friends to keep watching on her. 

There is no cure for stupidity. Damn me! I really hate myself at that time. 

Wasted so much time and abandoned so many jobs.

I was so blind. Buried in sadness, anger and stupid fake of hope. 

The hope came from her family that supported me at that time. 

I was in good terms with her big family, so i begged them to help.

Well, they helped me too because they thought her act was wrong. 

But, i couldn't just believe her parents would blame their own child. 

Whatever their children's acted, right or wrong, they would stand beside them. 

That was the kind of her parent. I believed them though. :)

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Senjougahara Hitagi

If I kill you, that means I’ll be the one closest to you,

when you’re on your deathbed. Isn’t it romantic?

If I may suggest, I recommend my waking you up every morning wearing nothing but an apron. Then I can cook you breakfast. Isn’t it a man’s fantasy to watch that from behind?

Right now, I’m afraid of losing you. Although my life hasn’t been very fortunate until now, I’m glad if I caught your eye because of that misfortune. Because of that, I was able to fall for you. So we’ll definitely do something, but I want to wait just a bit. So, right now, the last thing I can offer you… Is this starry sky.

Different conclusions are reached when one fact is viewed from two separate points of view. When that happens, there is no immediate way to judge which point of view is the correct one. There is no way to conclude one’s own conclusion is the correct one. But for that exact reason, it is also premature to decide one’s own conclusion is wrong.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I’m worried about you. But if you don’t come back I’ll never forgive you.

From My Favorite : Bakemonogatari.

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Come Back To Me

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Right now i am in the middle of crisis in my life.
I’ve done something terrible to my girlfriend.
And now she wants to break our relationship.
I don't know what i have to do now.
Everything in my mind was in a mess.
The only thing i can think now is how to get her back.
I can’t focus on everything that i do.
Her decision really made me my heart broken to pieces.
I knew i was wrong. i made mistakes.
When i tried to repair it, she suddenly broke it.
And now, i don’t know what will happen.
Tomorrow night will be something important.
I wish we could go back together because we have long history.
We made many memories together. We planned dream together.
She meant everything to me. She was the only one.
I already closed my heart. No one can enter or goes out.

PS.
This was me when i couldn't accept the reality.
We broke up because she cheated on me.
But she made up stories that i didn't care enough.
Because i told her about her sick dad when she was in exam.
And so on. Many stupid small mistakes that wasn't worth.
LOL, i was so stupid to convince myself that i was wrong.
That was a stupid reason to end years of relationship.
But i just couldn't accept it and blamed myself.
What could i do when 2 people already fell in love.
But from this cruel reality, i learned much to be better person. :D

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Sedikit Usaha

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Suatu saat nanti setelah semua ini berlalu, pasti akan datang waktunya.
Dirimu menggenggam tanganku dan kita buat dunia cemburu.

Kenapa bertahan? Karena aku belajar mempertahankan seseorang yg ku sayang.
Itu bukan dari orang lain, melainkan dari dirimu.

Diriku? Jelas bukan dirimu. Dirimu? jelas bukan diriku.
Tapi dirimu lupa, diriku dan dirimu sudah menjadi kita.
Kita yang dipersatukan oleh cinta. CC: xxxxxx

PS.
And here when i tried to do anything to keep my relationship.
Where i couldn't accept that soon it would be the end of us.
I kept complimenting. I kept trying hard to keep it together.
But i was wrong. When cheating happened, nothing could stop.
Because around that time, the people involved was madly in love.
Just liked me back then when i fell in love. Everything was uncontrollable.
The hormones made us happy by just thinking of our partner. :D

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Another Usual Day

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

fiuh…. finally. it has been a while since i couldn't write many things on my head.

i just got some disaster called “sick”. yeah it was something terrible.
but no problem. there was no damage in my body. but still ruin my activities.
yeah at least it was better than accident that makes my left body broken.
fortunately it was just for a week. it paralyzed because some of veins blowed up.
it is regenerating. hell yeah !! now i got similiar scar on my feet. perfectly same.
i dunno if it was just an accident or it was fate. i remember got scar 6 years ago.
and it repeated itself. LOL. what a fool accident because i got distracted (-__-“)
hmmm…. i dont have many activities right now. i am really dissappointed.
i hope these 2 years give me lessons to be a better man. and i am ready.
i must succeed. for you, for me, for us. another diet activity starts. jaa nee~

PS.

I think this is another worst thing I've written.

And this was around the time where i became delusional?

Around that time i spent much time in watching anime.

Because i knew and i smelled the end of my relationship.

Because my sense became sharp enough to know something.

And i was right in the end few weeks later, we broke up.

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Air Mata

Monday, 1 August 2011

Tolong berhenti menangis! saya pria. dan saya menangis.

untuk orang yang saya kasihi, sayangi dan saya cintai.

sungguh sangat teramat sesak sakitnya ketika tau ini usai.

tapi saya tidak ingin semua berakhir. saya ingin bersamanya.

selamanya. sampai saya menua bersamanya. saya ingin.

tolong hamba Yang Maha Kuasa. hamba tak ingin cengeng.

tapi hamba tak bisa apa2. air mata ini, terus mengalir.

hamba ingin bersamanya. tolong hamba Yang Maha Esa.

tidak ada satupun yang dapat menolong hamba kecuali Engkau.

mungkin jiwa ini labil, belum dewasa, kekanak-kanakan.

tapi hamba mohon, tolong hamba. bukakan pintu hatinya.

karena ia semngat ku, motivasi ku, pendamping ku Ya Allah.

PS.
This is one of the worst thing I've written. :((

But, i will not change anything. Keep it original.

Whatever shame and jokes it may bring to me.

Well, i just have to accept it. Unneeded to delete. 

Because these are proofs of the path I've been through.

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Stupidity

Sunday, 31 July 2011 

yeah…. I was so stupid last night.

complained about many things.

and then i got a bad thing from it.

cold. sad. empty. useless.

just trying to understand from now.

i should care about our heart.

STOP COMPLAINING!!!

too much hope in something isn’t good.

and again stop complaining!

it makes something goes worse.

so control your mind. clean it.

because you will acquire the happiness.

by controlling a clear mind.

be strong, be patient, be understanding.

after that everything gonna be okay.

i believe that. probably.

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News For Future Posts

Dear readers, for tomorrow and the following days, i will back up my article from my tumblr. So there will be some mix in English post and Indonesian post. Well, I'm in the middle of learning. So please point my mistakes in grammar or words at the comment section or email me or gplus. Feel free to add my Google plus.

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Tak ada Judul yang pas. Hanya pikiranku.

Cinta kadang membawa suka kadang membawa duka.
Ya begitulah cinta, tak ada satupun yang mengenalnya.
Sekarang, semua dapat dengan mudah mengatakan cinta.
Namun dalam prakteknya apakah dapat direalisasikan?
Apakah dapat selalu memberi pengertian pada pasangan?
Apakah dapat selalu memberi perhatian pada pasangan?
Apakah dapat saling berbagi di saat suka maupun duka?
Apakah selalu bersedia untuk menerima kekurangan pasangan?
Sebab tidak ada satu orang pun yang dapat mengetahui isi hati seseorang.
Namun yang jelas, semua hanya dapat dirasakan oleh HATI.
Ketika sebuah ketulusan dan kesetiaan yang teguh telah terwujud perilaku.
Maka akan terlihat jelas, asli atau palsunya sebuah cinta.

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New Me

Hello everyone, it has been a while since i wrote something in here. I posted many things on my tumblr but not in here. Not because I was shy or whatever you wanted to call it, i just didn't have that much motivation to write in here. Well, now i am powered up again.

So, i have few bad news to write. First, i failed entering AMG, IPDN, and i resigned from KARBOL's end test. Because at that time i have to choose between KARBOL or AMG and IPDN. So i took AMG and IPDN, yet both of them failed me. Hahaha....

Second, i broke up with my girlfriend. We broke up in 2012. Because she cheated on me. lol for so much trust i put on her. Well, I've moved on. So, i will not write too much about it in here. But in the future i will tell some of adventures when i chase her in that cursed city. It was like some kind of drama and so similar to FTV serials. Hahaha....

Third, i moved from my previous college Politeknik Negeri Pontianak (POLNEP) to Universitas Tanjung Pura. At Polnep, i took Civil Engineering. But now, i take Informatics Engineering and in third semester. i should have been in fifth semester but i wasted 1 year in chasing my ex and working. Because at that time, i needed money to keep chasing her and to convince her. Unfortunately, i was blind by thing called LOVE. I still think that i was so stupid at that time.

Well that was the 3 major sad events that has happened in my life since 2011. But now, i am new. So much new that i can tell which one is bad or not. Which one is lie or not. And i keep telling truth to everyone if they ask. Because i am done being nice by lying. It was so stupid to lie. Better tell them the truth and let them process it. That's it.

I will write soon about much more. Many things has happened since 2011. And the recent event when i attended GDG DevFest event and from that moment, I re-thought about my future plan. And i am in process to make new path, new goal and new dream. Wish me luck. :)

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SEPARATION!!!

hello. . . . how are u everyone??? fine right. but not with me.
today is the saddest time of mine. my girlfriend went to jogja.
and now, i'm here. alone. without her. she was the one who gave me spirit.

now, when she went, the spirit too. it has begun to fade since this morning.

now, it's raining, so do my heart. i feel hard to breath like usual.
in my head, her image cover everything. i only think about her.
i know, maybe it's thing called LOVE. the special thing for human.
but i hope i can adapt. because i don't want make her worry about me.
i want her to focus on her test at wednesday. so she will pass that.

i believe she will pass that exam. and i've start to pray for that since i knew.
so i think my beloved God will granted my pray for her. i hope so much.
and i hope my future will be at AMG. so it will open chance to meet her.
i love her. i miss her. i need her. i want to be together with her. . . . 

i hope we can meet at jogja. so my spirit will be boosted by seeing her face.
i hope AMG. . . . please please please. let me enter that government's school. . . .

PS.

It is another cringe moment, i wanted to delete it but decided not to. It was me at that time, i made mistakes as human. So, let's keep this stupid shit in this blog for future. Puberty is scary. lol. (2023)

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few things that will probably happen

hai. . . . long time no see. it must be a month since last time i wrote.
i brought a bad news today. i have to be separated from her for some period of time.

our time left for being together in my town is about 13 days. . . . OMG!!!

after that she will have a test in jogjakarta for few weeks maybe.

but there will be a problem too, if AMG accepts me, then it will reduce our time.

maybe for 5 days or more. i don't know, ready or not. but i have to face it.

yeah, for the future of our dreams. i hope AMG will accept me. :)

so when i do the registration, i can go to Jogjakarta to visit my sister.

of course i will visit my girlfriend too. that was the main plan. hehe. . . .

but before all of that happen. i just want to make our time more precious.

i just want to stay together. talk. dream. hang around. and many thing else.

in few days i still have to follow test in order to be a student in IPDN. :D

because of that my time will be cut again. again and again. loneliness. :(

but i have to be strong. i have to be mature. i will be the leader of her.

i pray for my own future. my lovely God, please guide me.

please, make me be a student in AMG or IPDN. . . . 

PS.

It is another cringe moment, i wanted to delete it but decided not to. It was me at that time, i made mistakes as human. So, let's keep this stupid shit in this blog for future. Puberty is scary. lol. (2023)

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