i am (not) happy

Hello again. This time i felt a little bit down. You know, whenever i am right back on track, there will be always something that disturb me. Recently, i felt full and had some kind of motivation. Then because of some people, i got shot down. Again. And i am so fucking moron to let myself drown in it. My soul kept on screaming because of this. Yet, my body chose to not fucking care. I stopped myself from doing anything for myself. The time keep on advancing, here i am, standing without caring. What a waste of breath, don't you think?

The good part is the friendship that i build recently feels good. You know, it has been quite sometime that i don't have any spark in life. I am such a stupid shit. Get a big motivation just from few words. Now i am battling the negativity of people around me with kind words from the friendship. Yeah i am such a retard. I'm smiling just from some random words. Such a stupid prick. And there is no hope for me to aim anything. Just a friendship. Maybe i felt lonely all this time and didn't want to admit it.

Alright, there you go, a small update to meet my schedule. I will update my drafts for next post. I mean there are so many topics that i prepared in the past. I did consider to move back to tumblr because now it was clean place. But i guess i will stay in here. Thank you for reading some cents in my life. じゃあね

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Hey May!

Hai hai hai.... A quick update to welcome may. Recently i met someone new. Well, we started to talk regularly now. But not too deep. We discussed about our problems, not my turn yet though. But we start talking. I tried my best to not make any stupid move. I would like to make our meeting as a friend. I hope nothing more. Just to go day by day like that. Clean. Because there are too many times that friendship died out because i advanced too fast. So it is like that now. I try my best to suppress things. Hope this time will work out. Well our age difference is not that far, around 5-6 years. I don't want to lose friends again.

That's that. let's move on. Last Sunday, i went out to the beach but i didn't spend that much time staring at the sea. Almost all of my time, i spent it in my room. I watched the sea, but it didn't attract me much this time. Because my mind was still wandering. The pressure to finish my college keep on haunting me. If i want to clear all things, the first step i have to do is finishing my college life. So i can move on to the second part of life. Maybe i am such a coward. Enjoying so much for small paid jobs. A million for a month is so small, yet i already felt satisfied. I am such a hypocrite. I could have been someone so great, yet i chose to dilly-dally. I have so many masks to disguise yet i choose the truth mask almost all the time. What a waste.

Alright for the last part is me becoming so much better in driving. Well, i am someone who love speeding. Used to do unofficial street racing all the time. Sometimes i won, sometimes i learned. I beat so many vehicle that should be faster, yet because the driver was me, i won. Looks like i am bragging. lol. The adrenaline is still there. I could feel it in my last trip. Right now, i have to focus all of my energies to clear all the things that have to be done soon. Anyway, thanks for reading. See you soon.

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Hello April

Yo people. It has been a while since I've written anything new. I don't think i am back yet to write more. I have the will, yet problems stopped me from writing. There were so many new experiences that happened recently.

So the google+ have ended its service. Before you could continue to login to your blog, you have to fill a new name, so the blogger site can address you. Before, they just copied my full name from google+ and now they told you to write it by yourself. I think this is good, because my full name is kinda long. So "posting as (nickname)" looks so much better.

Alright as i make this post about hello, i will not tell much. Just some flash news or any kind of new information. It has been 4 months. Nothing significant that could benefit me much. In the past few months, i have been trying to finish all the things that have left behind. Things just got well in past few days, i meant i have found some people that could help me. We were making appointment here and there. So i hope things will workout smoothly before my sixth brother come back from his study to spend holiday with us. Things about growing, he is the fastest among us 7. The sixth changed almost completely as a different person. I don't know it will be good thing or bad thing, but he is definitely changing. I would like to see him by myself later. He is young so "people don't change" still won't happen yet on him. He is shaping, but us as adult already took a shape. So i still believe "people don't change" apply only for us, adult.

About that quote, i felt it myself and from some close people's experience that i knew. People really don't change. They are still the same. It might be impossible to change the form. Of course there are possibilities that i am at the wrong here. We are humans. It is not easy to change our habit. From the paper science that i read, to make something as a habit, humans need around 66 days, yet you believe that things that already take form could change over a single night or single month? i don't. It's plainly impossible. Give me your example in 5-10 years. I might believe you could change.

I am so done for trusting people too easily. Because it happened again and again in my life. I felt like they were toying with me. I am not that stupid to point things out. I am just lazy. Anyway that's it. Maybe write things randomly like this might be much better than waiting for me to revise my drafts.

Oh, i am considering to buy a new graphic card and new power supply as i intend to use my computer more. I hope from buying those, i can become more productive. Alright, see you later folks. Hemmmm.... another thing, i might write some Bahasa Indonesia language in the future as i want to backup some of knowledge from my college life in the past. Adios....

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