i am (not) happy

Hello again. This time i felt a little bit down. You know, whenever i am right back on track, there will be always something that disturb me. Recently, i felt full and had some kind of motivation. Then because of some people, i got shot down. Again. And i am so fucking moron to let myself drown in it. My soul kept on screaming because of this. Yet, my body chose to not fucking care. I stopped myself from doing anything for myself. The time keep on advancing, here i am, standing without caring. What a waste of breath, don't you think?

The good part is the friendship that i build recently feels good. You know, it has been quite sometime that i don't have any spark in life. I am such a stupid shit. Get a big motivation just from few words. Now i am battling the negativity of people around me with kind words from the friendship. Yeah i am such a retard. I'm smiling just from some random words. Such a stupid prick. And there is no hope for me to aim anything. Just a friendship. Maybe i felt lonely all this time and didn't want to admit it.

Alright, there you go, a small update to meet my schedule. I will update my drafts for next post. I mean there are so many topics that i prepared in the past. I did consider to move back to tumblr because now it was clean place. But i guess i will stay in here. Thank you for reading some cents in my life. じゃあね

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Hey May!

Hai hai hai.... A quick update to welcome may. Recently i met someone new. Well, we started to talk regularly now. But not too deep. We discussed about our problems, not my turn yet though. But we start talking. I tried my best to not make any stupid move. I would like to make our meeting as a friend. I hope nothing more. Just to go day by day like that. Clean. Because there are too many times that friendship died out because i advanced too fast. So it is like that now. I try my best to suppress things. Hope this time will work out. Well our age difference is not that far, around 5-6 years. I don't want to lose friends again.

That's that. let's move on. Last Sunday, i went out to the beach but i didn't spend that much time staring at the sea. Almost all of my time, i spent it in my room. I watched the sea, but it didn't attract me much this time. Because my mind was still wandering. The pressure to finish my college keep on haunting me. If i want to clear all things, the first step i have to do is finishing my college life. So i can move on to the second part of life. Maybe i am such a coward. Enjoying so much for small paid jobs. A million for a month is so small, yet i already felt satisfied. I am such a hypocrite. I could have been someone so great, yet i chose to dilly-dally. I have so many masks to disguise yet i choose the truth mask almost all the time. What a waste.

Alright for the last part is me becoming so much better in driving. Well, i am someone who love speeding. Used to do unofficial street racing all the time. Sometimes i won, sometimes i learned. I beat so many vehicle that should be faster, yet because the driver was me, i won. Looks like i am bragging. lol. The adrenaline is still there. I could feel it in my last trip. Right now, i have to focus all of my energies to clear all the things that have to be done soon. Anyway, thanks for reading. See you soon.

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