SEPARATION!!!

hello. . . . how are u everyone??? fine right. but not with me.
today is the saddest time of mine. my girlfriend went to jogja.
and now, i'm here. alone. without her. she was the one who gave me spirit.

now, when she went, the spirit too. it has begun to fade since this morning.

now, it's raining, so do my heart. i feel hard to breath like usual.
in my head, her image cover everything. i only think about her.
i know, maybe it's thing called LOVE. the special thing for human.
but i hope i can adapt. because i don't want make her worry about me.
i want her to focus on her test at wednesday. so she will pass that.

i believe she will pass that exam. and i've start to pray for that since i knew.
so i think my beloved God will granted my pray for her. i hope so much.
and i hope my future will be at AMG. so it will open chance to meet her.
i love her. i miss her. i need her. i want to be together with her. . . . 

i hope we can meet at jogja. so my spirit will be boosted by seeing her face.
i hope AMG. . . . please please please. let me enter that government's school. . . .

PS.

It is another cringe moment, i wanted to delete it but decided not to. It was me at that time, i made mistakes as human. So, let's keep this stupid shit in this blog for future. Puberty is scary. lol. (2023)

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few things that will probably happen

hai. . . . long time no see. it must be a month since last time i wrote.
i brought a bad news today. i have to be separated from her for some period of time.

our time left for being together in my town is about 13 days. . . . OMG!!!

after that she will have a test in jogjakarta for few weeks maybe.

but there will be a problem too, if AMG accepts me, then it will reduce our time.

maybe for 5 days or more. i don't know, ready or not. but i have to face it.

yeah, for the future of our dreams. i hope AMG will accept me. :)

so when i do the registration, i can go to Jogjakarta to visit my sister.

of course i will visit my girlfriend too. that was the main plan. hehe. . . .

but before all of that happen. i just want to make our time more precious.

i just want to stay together. talk. dream. hang around. and many thing else.

in few days i still have to follow test in order to be a student in IPDN. :D

because of that my time will be cut again. again and again. loneliness. :(

but i have to be strong. i have to be mature. i will be the leader of her.

i pray for my own future. my lovely God, please guide me.

please, make me be a student in AMG or IPDN. . . . 

PS.

It is another cringe moment, i wanted to delete it but decided not to. It was me at that time, i made mistakes as human. So, let's keep this stupid shit in this blog for future. Puberty is scary. lol. (2023)

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a little hope comes up

i just have conversation with her. we talked a lot.
it included what happened with us last night.
she said that we have to forget about that.
she forgave me for what i've done last night.

i found a little hope to continue my relationship.
no matter how hard our problem, it just needed time.
i believe her. i trust her. i give my faith to her. :)
i hope we can continue, until our marriage NL.

PS.

It is another cringe moment, i wanted to delete it but decided not to. It was me at that time, i made mistakes as human. So, let's keep this stupid shit in this blog for future. Puberty is scary. lol. (2023)

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the love that i built

"this love began to fade away"

"i hate you"

"i think we can't go into marriage"

"you never be with me when i need u"

some of words that haunted me everyday.
is it easy to crush my love for you?
sacrifices that i have done means nothing.
whatever the best thing for you, then i will support.
even it hurts me like a stab.

i hope we can go to the future together.
i hope i can be a father of your children.
i hope i can spend my lifetime with you.

but that was just may hopes to GOD.
i pray for it everyday. day after day.
but it starts to make me feel nothing.
GOD, let me feel my love again. i need it.

PS.

It is another cringe moment, i wanted to delete it but decided not to. It was me at that time, i made mistakes as human. So, let's keep this stupid shit in this blog for future. Puberty is scary. lol. (2023)

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i'm not a master of everything

hello. . . . long time no see. now i will write something about what happened last night.

around 6 PM, my phone got a message from her. she asked to go to her home.

wow... amazing. i've been invited to come to meet her family. as fast as i could, i went there.

when i came, her family welcomed me. i was so happy in that moment. felt like flying.

she came up with laptop in her hands. asked me where was my flash disk and laptop.

what?! she didn't tell me anything. so the nightmare began. the atmosphere became cold.

afterwards she asked for help with her internet connection, because it couldn't connect.

i tried my best, but there was no luck and i called my friend to help me.so i gave up. 

it was out of my knowledge. but why i have to be blamed?

it didn't depend on me, it depended on the network line. it was the second nightmare.

so she was angry on me again and again when i tried to fix my relationship. hell man!

"always helps another friend and works. but why when i ask help, you can't?"

that words really really turned me off. i helped them because it wasn't about network.

their problems just because the setting didn't match. it was totally a different case.

OMG! what i have supposed to do? is it the end of everything that i built so far?

i can't just let it happen. but i have no choice. i will give her everything that i can do.

include letting her go. i hope that won't happen. i just can pray for her. sorry.

PS.

It is another cringe moment, i wanted to delete it but decided not to. It was me at that time, i made mistakes as human. So, let's keep this stupid shit in this blog for future. Puberty is scary. lol. (2023)

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