Disaster?

Hello everyone.... Finally, i have posted all of my articles from tumblr. So i will update some of my recent experience. There are many events. But for now, i will write the recent one. This event force me to go outside. This is the first time i am writing in public place. It is a cafe. This cafe is not that far from my house. About 7-8 minutes by riding with my bike. Well, i want to inform you, this cafe is open public. And it means cigarette. It becomes cloudy as soon as some of workers come. So cloudy. (-__-)

I hate place like this, but this is the only place that give good connection. There are many people. But people in 40s dominate it. Endless stupid talk. I don't know that society have fallen this much. FYI, I seldom goes out from my house unless it is important and have meaning. They talk about many things and sometimes joke about something that is not supposed to be joke. And the funny thing is they all laugh with it and it is unpleasant to see people force their self to laugh.

Enough of society, let's get back to the title. This event happened recently. My older sister finally back from her study and moved back to our house. I don't know about how our house arrangement will be in the future, But for now, she stays in her former room with my younger sister. I've been feeling happy because since she arrived the house seemed brighter. I don't want to go for the detail but that is happening. I could not make something like that. Because i became careless. I decided to not meddle with any one's business anymore unless they asked me to. And I decided to not talk unless it forced me to. This decision has been started since few weeks ago. And i found it pretty useful. I could become calm and thought many things without involving my emotions.

OK now i am back to the title. I keep getting distracted. Seriously there are many things to write. And i plan to write things regularly. Right now, i am planning to include my studies too. Because i am easy to forget things. Including my knowledge. So i decided to write, because i found it became useful in times like these. I used to have this problem from my LAN card. Recently the problem keep happening again. And i forgot how to fix it. And because of that, i couldn't use my computer to go online. Well, the connection is out too. The lighting struck our house yesterday and made some sparks in my room. The spark came from the terminal. Luckily my computer seemed fine only the LAN became stuck. I haven't checked thoroughly though. This forced me to make some grounding inside my room. I've told my parents but they didn't believe. I couldn't force them to accept it that our house didn't have grounding. I decided to not argue with them. So i will buy some items to make grounding. i hope it will work out somehow. I called it disaster because i couldn't connect to Internet through my computer and forced me to write in public area that leaded me to inhale unhealthy ciggarette's smoke.

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Broken Attachments

Saturday, 12 July 2014. It will be the longest post in this blog and the last post from my tumblr. And for me, it is the most interesting event of my unstable. :D

 

Hello, it has been a while since i wrote. well i got mixed news.

Yesterday it was my birthday. I hided it from my Facebook. As i expected, none of people who i listed send me anything. Not birthday card nor messages. hurt me so bad, wasn’t it?

God wanted me to see clearly that i don’t have to look back. Everything was already settled. and it is time to move forward. What did i settle? I settled some mistakes in my past life.

When i was young, a stupid one and so brave without bound. Few weeks ago, i got this dream. It came out nowhere. It is still clear in my mind about what happened back there.

It was evening about 4 or 5 p.m. It was a park near the river. I wanted to jog there when i spotted EF sit and gazed the river. She was beautiful as always and really caught my eyes instantly. Seriously, i went to her bench and she smiled at me warmly. I started by apologizing my mistakes and she forgave me so fast. I didn’t know she would forgive me that fast. I expected some slaps, lol. Then we talked about her life until she came back to my town.

I didn’t really remember about our conversation because i was busy. Yeah busy to admire her. she was strong and too strong to be real. She held herself quite good with me when we were together. And when she was talking about her arrival in our city, there was a sound of adzan.

When i heard it, i felt bad not because it was a bother but because we had to part ways soon. Because it was Maghrib's time and we should end our conversation. When we walked together to the parking lot, she stopped suddenly. She wanted me to gaze the sky and felt the wind that surround us.

Then suddenly, she hugged me from behind tightly. I didn’t know why. She started crying behind my back. I felt her sadness. Her pains. All of emotions that i gave her in the past, she released it with her cry. When i tried to talk, she told me to keep silent and let her finished.

It took a long time for her to calm down, then she turned me around. I held both of her shoulders and smiled to her. Cleared her tears. After that, i told her, “I still love you. and you love me too, right?.”

When she agreed to me and wanted to reply, i stopped her. I told her that she should not answer it at that time and let it be. I wanted her to reply it next time when we met again by God’s will. Then I WOKE UP!!! ARRRGGHHHH…. i woke up because of alarm.

It was time to Sahur. So that’s it. And my feeling for her came back instantly. Fulfilling my empty heart. And i thought it was time for me to talk. Yeah few days later, i sent her some texts to apologize about my past. And she forgave me too. Finally, i could sort out my feeling to her. We sent some texts until we fell asleep. That’s the last time we shared. That’s about the mixed news and she forgot about my birthday.

Well i accepted it but i felt bad. I always texts her every year. And she forgot mine easily, well God granted my wishes early. He guided me to be stronger and wanted me to be happy. And not only her, almost all of my friends and my ex gfs forgot. But that was the sign to see the real friend that i could count on.

Don’t get me wrong. people who forgot were still my friends. But… i will be much caring to people who remembered even it was late. People who remembered are my parents, sisters, brothers & my family. My families including two of my bro (MF&WAS) and my lovely elciefo. An orphan child that i knew and my best friends DY and PRN at that time. They are people that i will keep safe and help them in need. As much as they want and i will repay their kindness multiplies.

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Time Doesn't Heal

Time changes everything or time heals all wounds. But the reality, it was just what people said. Doing things change things. Not doing things left things exactly as they were. And if you just leave it alone, it is not going to clear itself up like some kind of magic. So take actions, don’t just sit and try to forget.

 

We can forget it if we are busy to do many things, but how long can you stay busy? Remember, when the memories strikes, it will be hurt and makes you miserable. Either you let yourself hurt again, or you stand up and fix it. You choose.

PS.
Okay that was the post. But i will add some words. I truly believe that time doesn't heal any wounds. If u persist that it will heal but i guarantee that it will leave scar. Because nothing could heal completely. So it still count as not fully recovered, right?

If you really want to move on, you have to accept that wounds. You have to acknowledge it. Because only by that, you will find peace. I could talk about it because i passed that phase. I know, it will take time depend on how big the wound. But, do not give up because you will not know how close you are from the finish. Believe me. :)

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Lingering Affection?

Saturday, 23 August 2014

What has happened has nothing to do with me…
I have just been watching the whole time from distance. 
You, the whole world and everything outside continues to move on.

No matter how hard i tried…
No matter how much i love you…
I knew that nothing was going to happen for me…
You were completely different from when i knew you…
The “you” back there was already dead.

The “you” i knew… the “you” that i loved…
That innocent, cute, and sweet girl i knew…
The “you” from my memories died and never came back.
It would be for all eternity and everything ended peacefully.
I just had to accept it and everything would start to heal.

-Oshimi Shuzo

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C. JoyBell C.

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.

Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You’re aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can’t be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn’t be.

PS.
These are another random quotes. It is from a wise man, Mr. JoyBell.
I find it interesting as motivation. maybe you can learn few things here.
Or maybe not. Well it doesn't need that much time to read just to remind you.
Oh yeah, there are few posts left from my tumblr. Soon, i will write recent event.
Expect my next article my dear reader, and i am learning how to make it good.
Don't expect much but i will guarantee there will be improvements. :D

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Another Random Quotes

Monday, 2 June 2014

I don’t regret my past. I just regretted the time I’ve wasted with wrong people.
From my best friend Wishnu.

Saturday, 7 June 2014

If you could put an act to be cold, I could turn myself to ice.

Saturday, 5 July 2014

I am sinner. I made mistakes. But after that I would apologize and pray to God. Fix my mistakes then clean my own mess.

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Diam lebih membantu daripada berbicara. Terlalu banyak orang yang tak peduli pada penjelasan.

Saturday, 23 August 2014

One day, the time to make a decision will come. Even if the pain of parting will come attacking. Discarding the possibilities, gathering the courage needed to make a choice. For you have only one path you can take. 

Saturday, 30 August 2014

Don’t think highly about yourself. People care again after you hurt them in the past don’t mean they are falling for you again. They just show some consideration after forgiving you. Don’t expect more, youngster!

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To My Dearest Future Wife

Saturday, 31 May 2014

Hello, it has been a while since i wrote about my life. Just posted random quotes from my everyday experience. Well let’s get start from this MAINSTREAM topic. he he…

I just want to apologize. Yes to you, my beloved future wife. I’ve cheated on you numerous times already. i am a bad guy. Well, i did that in the past because of this thing called “loneliness.”

I’ve born in a good and religious family, and yet i betrayed them. I tried anything in my teenage time. from “good” until “bad”. I’ve tasted everything that available. So i knew how it would work. And i guarantee you that i will not get addict to drugs or cigarette. Of course, not even alcohol too. That’s from the bad side of “things”.

Let’s go to the abstract ones. yeah, this thing called “love”. I’ve fallen in love since my junior high school. That was the first time and the last time was about several months ago. I’ve tasted many kind of emotion. Of course good and bad. This “love” thing gave me plenty of experiences in life. From spirit to live or gloom to death. Well, i was in my unstable period.

Now, i feel like it was so funny to see me in the past. So funny. If i could go back, i would like to punch myself to pulp. I felt like i was complete different person in this present age of time. Well, this thing called “love” also the one who guide me to maturity. Not 100%, but it took almost half of the role though.

Ok, i want you to know, this time, i will make sure to not cheat on you anymore. And not to try “something”. Because I’ve done that it in the past. I will control every inch of my emotion. Make sure to protect it. And then one day i will say, “This heart reserved for you only, my dearest.”

Just so you know, I’ve recently tried to work out again. I want to make sure to meet you in my great shape to not let you down. It’s not like i want to be someone else, it’s just i want to be healthy again. I won’t let you see me as a weak person. Because i am strong. Yeah strong enough to learn many things in this life and not to give up so easily.

I want to make you rest assured and feel no worry in my protection. I think this is only for part one. Well, let’s continue it later.

From your future husband. Don’t laugh please. Oh, honestly„, :p

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Random Quotes

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Focus on self-repair. focus on ourselves. never ever try to ask help from another person. do everything on your own. sooner or later, you can stand still in this atrocious world.

Everything will be back to normal. i felt so relax. everything’s moving just like my plan now. if i have done this before, i should have been further in step to success. ganbarimashou!!

Should have been like this. realizing everything, back to my normal self. logic work all the time. fiuh…. back to otaku world. real girl only betray you, sooner or later. but my senjougahara hitagi, she won’t. :p 

Thursday, 7 November 2013

My life keep changing since that time. well it become better at some parts and worse at some parts. but i am happy. i can become closer to se7en wonders and my best parents.

It is not about forgiving. it was about you who realized you’ve made mistakes. then you tried your best to resolve it. after that beg for forgiveness. that is proper way to ask forgiveness. 

Thursday, 21 November 2013

Ketika diperingati berkali-kali tetapi tetap tidak mengerti, maka bersabarlah. Jika kau melihat harapan, tunggulah. Jika tidak, tinggalkan. 

Sunday, 16 February 2014

Dan pada akhirnya kebencian hanya akan berbuah iri dengki. Meracun akal pikiran dan membuat ilusi sebuah perbandingan tak berujung. 

Sunday, 23 February 2014

Sesuatu yang telah rusak, akan sulit dikembalikan seperti sedia kala. Kalau pun bisa, sebagian besar akan telah terkorupsi.

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

One good deed doesn’t mean you are good person, vice versa.

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August's Posts

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Our Journey Met Its End

This month really marked many vital aspect in my life.
New university, new jobs, and the most important thing, new heart.
Well, after this long time period, i could get over with it.
Yeah, i knew that i was so stubborn. but i could make it in the end.
So that’s okay right? right now, i am trying my best.

I should make up everything that I’ve done couple years ago.

I beg for your forgiveness to anyone who read it.

Saturday, 17 August 2013

Rumble Rumble Rumble

So the years i spent with her was lost.
Though nothing was resolved. though nothing changed.
That’s right. let’s keep it like that. that is the best happiness.
But these years that you’ve probably forgotten.

I think i will remember it for a long time and never forget.
Regardless what kind of future welcomes me.
This feeling born inside me will never change. as it will not be forgotten.
So andevelez’s something that wasn’t first love ended with lost love.

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Atarashii Kokoro

Monday, 29 July 2013

Hello…. it has been a long time since i wrote something.
Well, i don’t know if it is a good news or bad news.
But finally i can move on after betrayed so much by my ex.
It was bound to happen sooner or later.

I want to ask for anyone forgiveness whoever i hurt. tee hee~
Well i was aware of it and finally i could make this decision.

I will do some self repair before i can move to another heart.
So i won’t hurt the girl i choose later. i am feeling good.
Not that good, getting cold. getting nightmare. i thought it as a test.
God want to ensure me, make myself really get over with it.
By the way, i want to warn all of you about something.
It is not something, it is a city. a cursed city that stole many things.
My sister, my best friends, my ex-girlfriend and many more.
They were turned into “BAKEMONO” after living in that cursed city.

Another quote from that time:

Diawali pada ramadhan 3 tahun lalu.
Dan benar-benar berakhir pada ramadhan yang ke-3.

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Hateful Act

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Aku akan segera kehilangan beberapa orang yang aku sayangi. orang-orang yang benar-benar peduli padaku hanya karena dirimu. fantastis. tak terbayang mereka yang melahirkan kamu tapi sifat dan perilaku yang kamu tunjukkan jauh dari mereka.  

Membuka semua rahasia yang tersimpan. baik maupun buruk. karena jujur itu menyakitkan. lebih baik hati sakit sampai hancur menjadi debu daripada dibiarkan terus berdarah.

Mungkin sudah saatnya membuka semua hal itu. lebih baik dibenci daripada terus seperti ini. sakit yang begitu dalam ketika kesetiaan dikhianati. 

Kirain sudah berhenti. tapi ternyata makin menjadi. memang seseorang yang terlalu dimanja ketika diberi sedikit kebebasan tak akan bisa dikontrol. 

PS.

This was the time when i began to hate her for whatever she did. 

I stalked her that much at that time, well i still knew the limit. 

And i asked some friends to keep watching on her. 

There is no cure for stupidity. Damn me! I really hate myself at that time. 

Wasted so much time and abandoned so many jobs.

I was so blind. Buried in sadness, anger and stupid fake of hope. 

The hope came from her family that supported me at that time. 

I was in good terms with her big family, so i begged them to help.

Well, they helped me too because they thought her act was wrong. 

But, i couldn't just believe her parents would blame their own child. 

Whatever their children's acted, right or wrong, they would stand beside them. 

That was the kind of her parent. I believed them though. :)

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Senjougahara Hitagi

If I kill you, that means I’ll be the one closest to you,

when you’re on your deathbed. Isn’t it romantic?

If I may suggest, I recommend my waking you up every morning wearing nothing but an apron. Then I can cook you breakfast. Isn’t it a man’s fantasy to watch that from behind?

Right now, I’m afraid of losing you. Although my life hasn’t been very fortunate until now, I’m glad if I caught your eye because of that misfortune. Because of that, I was able to fall for you. So we’ll definitely do something, but I want to wait just a bit. So, right now, the last thing I can offer you… Is this starry sky.

Different conclusions are reached when one fact is viewed from two separate points of view. When that happens, there is no immediate way to judge which point of view is the correct one. There is no way to conclude one’s own conclusion is the correct one. But for that exact reason, it is also premature to decide one’s own conclusion is wrong.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I’m worried about you. But if you don’t come back I’ll never forgive you.

From My Favorite : Bakemonogatari.

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Come Back To Me

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Right now i am in the middle of crisis in my life.
I’ve done something terrible to my girlfriend.
And now she wants to break our relationship.
I don't know what i have to do now.
Everything in my mind was in a mess.
The only thing i can think now is how to get her back.
I can’t focus on everything that i do.
Her decision really made me my heart broken to pieces.
I knew i was wrong. i made mistakes.
When i tried to repair it, she suddenly broke it.
And now, i don’t know what will happen.
Tomorrow night will be something important.
I wish we could go back together because we have long history.
We made many memories together. We planned dream together.
She meant everything to me. She was the only one.
I already closed my heart. No one can enter or goes out.

PS.
This was me when i couldn't accept the reality.
We broke up because she cheated on me.
But she made up stories that i didn't care enough.
Because i told her about her sick dad when she was in exam.
And so on. Many stupid small mistakes that wasn't worth.
LOL, i was so stupid to convince myself that i was wrong.
That was a stupid reason to end years of relationship.
But i just couldn't accept it and blamed myself.
What could i do when 2 people already fell in love.
But from this cruel reality, i learned much to be better person. :D

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Sedikit Usaha

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Suatu saat nanti setelah semua ini berlalu, pasti akan datang waktunya.
Dirimu menggenggam tanganku dan kita buat dunia cemburu.

Kenapa bertahan? Karena aku belajar mempertahankan seseorang yg ku sayang.
Itu bukan dari orang lain, melainkan dari dirimu.

Diriku? Jelas bukan dirimu. Dirimu? jelas bukan diriku.
Tapi dirimu lupa, diriku dan dirimu sudah menjadi kita.
Kita yang dipersatukan oleh cinta. CC: xxxxxx

PS.
And here when i tried to do anything to keep my relationship.
Where i couldn't accept that soon it would be the end of us.
I kept complimenting. I kept trying hard to keep it together.
But i was wrong. When cheating happened, nothing could stop.
Because around that time, the people involved was madly in love.
Just liked me back then when i fell in love. Everything was uncontrollable.
The hormones made us happy by just thinking of our partner. :D

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Another Usual Day

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

fiuh…. finally. it has been a while since i couldn't write many things on my head.

i just got some disaster called “sick”. yeah it was something terrible.
but no problem. there was no damage in my body. but still ruin my activities.
yeah at least it was better than accident that makes my left body broken.
fortunately it was just for a week. it paralyzed because some of veins blowed up.
it is regenerating. hell yeah !! now i got similiar scar on my feet. perfectly same.
i dunno if it was just an accident or it was fate. i remember got scar 6 years ago.
and it repeated itself. LOL. what a fool accident because i got distracted (-__-“)
hmmm…. i dont have many activities right now. i am really dissappointed.
i hope these 2 years give me lessons to be a better man. and i am ready.
i must succeed. for you, for me, for us. another diet activity starts. jaa nee~

PS.

I think this is another worst thing I've written.

And this was around the time where i became delusional?

Around that time i spent much time in watching anime.

Because i knew and i smelled the end of my relationship.

Because my sense became sharp enough to know something.

And i was right in the end few weeks later, we broke up.

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Air Mata

Monday, 1 August 2011

Tolong berhenti menangis! saya pria. dan saya menangis.

untuk orang yang saya kasihi, sayangi dan saya cintai.

sungguh sangat teramat sesak sakitnya ketika tau ini usai.

tapi saya tidak ingin semua berakhir. saya ingin bersamanya.

selamanya. sampai saya menua bersamanya. saya ingin.

tolong hamba Yang Maha Kuasa. hamba tak ingin cengeng.

tapi hamba tak bisa apa2. air mata ini, terus mengalir.

hamba ingin bersamanya. tolong hamba Yang Maha Esa.

tidak ada satupun yang dapat menolong hamba kecuali Engkau.

mungkin jiwa ini labil, belum dewasa, kekanak-kanakan.

tapi hamba mohon, tolong hamba. bukakan pintu hatinya.

karena ia semngat ku, motivasi ku, pendamping ku Ya Allah.

PS.
This is one of the worst thing I've written. :((

But, i will not change anything. Keep it original.

Whatever shame and jokes it may bring to me.

Well, i just have to accept it. Unneeded to delete. 

Because these are proofs of the path I've been through.

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Stupidity

Sunday, 31 July 2011 

yeah…. I was so stupid last night.

complained about many things.

and then i got a bad thing from it.

cold. sad. empty. useless.

just trying to understand from now.

i should care about our heart.

STOP COMPLAINING!!!

too much hope in something isn’t good.

and again stop complaining!

it makes something goes worse.

so control your mind. clean it.

because you will acquire the happiness.

by controlling a clear mind.

be strong, be patient, be understanding.

after that everything gonna be okay.

i believe that. probably.

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News For Future Posts

Dear readers, for tomorrow and the following days, i will back up my article from my tumblr. So there will be some mix in English post and Indonesian post. Well, I'm in the middle of learning. So please point my mistakes in grammar or words at the comment section or email me or gplus. Feel free to add my Google plus.

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Tak ada Judul yang pas. Hanya pikiranku.

Cinta kadang membawa suka kadang membawa duka.
Ya begitulah cinta, tak ada satupun yang mengenalnya.
Sekarang, semua dapat dengan mudah mengatakan cinta.
Namun dalam prakteknya apakah dapat direalisasikan?
Apakah dapat selalu memberi pengertian pada pasangan?
Apakah dapat selalu memberi perhatian pada pasangan?
Apakah dapat saling berbagi di saat suka maupun duka?
Apakah selalu bersedia untuk menerima kekurangan pasangan?
Sebab tidak ada satu orang pun yang dapat mengetahui isi hati seseorang.
Namun yang jelas, semua hanya dapat dirasakan oleh HATI.
Ketika sebuah ketulusan dan kesetiaan yang teguh telah terwujud perilaku.
Maka akan terlihat jelas, asli atau palsunya sebuah cinta.

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New Me

Hello everyone, it has been a while since i wrote something in here. I posted many things on my tumblr but not in here. Not because I was shy or whatever you wanted to call it, i just didn't have that much motivation to write in here. Well, now i am powered up again.

So, i have few bad news to write. First, i failed entering AMG, IPDN, and i resigned from KARBOL's end test. Because at that time i have to choose between KARBOL or AMG and IPDN. So i took AMG and IPDN, yet both of them failed me. Hahaha....

Second, i broke up with my girlfriend. We broke up in 2012. Because she cheated on me. lol for so much trust i put on her. Well, I've moved on. So, i will not write too much about it in here. But in the future i will tell some of adventures when i chase her in that cursed city. It was like some kind of drama and so similar to FTV serials. Hahaha....

Third, i moved from my previous college Politeknik Negeri Pontianak (POLNEP) to Universitas Tanjung Pura. At Polnep, i took Civil Engineering. But now, i take Informatics Engineering and in third semester. i should have been in fifth semester but i wasted 1 year in chasing my ex and working. Because at that time, i needed money to keep chasing her and to convince her. Unfortunately, i was blind by thing called LOVE. I still think that i was so stupid at that time.

Well that was the 3 major sad events that has happened in my life since 2011. But now, i am new. So much new that i can tell which one is bad or not. Which one is lie or not. And i keep telling truth to everyone if they ask. Because i am done being nice by lying. It was so stupid to lie. Better tell them the truth and let them process it. That's it.

I will write soon about much more. Many things has happened since 2011. And the recent event when i attended GDG DevFest event and from that moment, I re-thought about my future plan. And i am in process to make new path, new goal and new dream. Wish me luck. :)

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