Broken Attachments

Saturday, 12 July 2014. It will be the longest post in this blog and the last post from my tumblr. And for me, it is the most interesting event of my unstable. :D

 

Hello, it has been a while since i wrote. well i got mixed news.

Yesterday it was my birthday. I hided it from my Facebook. As i expected, none of people who i listed send me anything. Not birthday card nor messages. hurt me so bad, wasn’t it?

God wanted me to see clearly that i don’t have to look back. Everything was already settled. and it is time to move forward. What did i settle? I settled some mistakes in my past life.

When i was young, a stupid one and so brave without bound. Few weeks ago, i got this dream. It came out nowhere. It is still clear in my mind about what happened back there.

It was evening about 4 or 5 p.m. It was a park near the river. I wanted to jog there when i spotted EF sit and gazed the river. She was beautiful as always and really caught my eyes instantly. Seriously, i went to her bench and she smiled at me warmly. I started by apologizing my mistakes and she forgave me so fast. I didn’t know she would forgive me that fast. I expected some slaps, lol. Then we talked about her life until she came back to my town.

I didn’t really remember about our conversation because i was busy. Yeah busy to admire her. she was strong and too strong to be real. She held herself quite good with me when we were together. And when she was talking about her arrival in our city, there was a sound of adzan.

When i heard it, i felt bad not because it was a bother but because we had to part ways soon. Because it was Maghrib's time and we should end our conversation. When we walked together to the parking lot, she stopped suddenly. She wanted me to gaze the sky and felt the wind that surround us.

Then suddenly, she hugged me from behind tightly. I didn’t know why. She started crying behind my back. I felt her sadness. Her pains. All of emotions that i gave her in the past, she released it with her cry. When i tried to talk, she told me to keep silent and let her finished.

It took a long time for her to calm down, then she turned me around. I held both of her shoulders and smiled to her. Cleared her tears. After that, i told her, “I still love you. and you love me too, right?.”

When she agreed to me and wanted to reply, i stopped her. I told her that she should not answer it at that time and let it be. I wanted her to reply it next time when we met again by God’s will. Then I WOKE UP!!! ARRRGGHHHH…. i woke up because of alarm.

It was time to Sahur. So that’s it. And my feeling for her came back instantly. Fulfilling my empty heart. And i thought it was time for me to talk. Yeah few days later, i sent her some texts to apologize about my past. And she forgave me too. Finally, i could sort out my feeling to her. We sent some texts until we fell asleep. That’s the last time we shared. That’s about the mixed news and she forgot about my birthday.

Well i accepted it but i felt bad. I always texts her every year. And she forgot mine easily, well God granted my wishes early. He guided me to be stronger and wanted me to be happy. And not only her, almost all of my friends and my ex gfs forgot. But that was the sign to see the real friend that i could count on.

Don’t get me wrong. people who forgot were still my friends. But… i will be much caring to people who remembered even it was late. People who remembered are my parents, sisters, brothers & my family. My families including two of my bro (MF&WAS) and my lovely elciefo. An orphan child that i knew and my best friends DY and PRN at that time. They are people that i will keep safe and help them in need. As much as they want and i will repay their kindness multiplies.